Bagels in Brooklyn, on our first day.

At the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens.

On the Staten Island Ferry, with Manhattan in the background.

Dan, Rob, and Nate are going to use this on their album cover.

I just love this one of Rob.

Nate & Lady Liberty.

Me...

Why so serious?

Jekyll & Hyde: Chuck E. Cheese for grown ups.

Still at J&H.

I Love that face!

Subway train (by Rob).

HA!

Me, Dan & Nick (at Motor City- a bar in the Meatpacking Dist.)

Nick took this purposefully(?) upside down, I couldn't change it.

Brendan & Nate (at Tortilla Flats, bar # 4 of 5).

The Morning After- Nate & Gonzo.

The Natural History Museum- Nate and a distant ancestor of the moose.

Nate askes a woman to take our picture, turns out she didn't speak English and was also blind. Her grandson ended up taking the photo.

This is Nate's favorite, so I had to include it.

Early in the evening on New Year's Eve.

My favorite shoes (or one of them- rather), before they got ruined. So sad.

On the train into Manhattan.

Ditto.

Making skinny faces.

Rob as a model (at Morimoto- the restaurant where Brendan works and Lindsay Lohan likes to hang out).

Champagne on a train!

So true, so true...

Back in Brooklyn, Dan and Rob need to make an important phone call.

Nate took this one for our friend Hope (Dan cheering in foreground).

The countdown to '07.

Dan!

Nate & I at Clem's (now our official spot in Brooklyn).

Dan with claw face.

And this one pretty much sums it all up: Nate on Day 1 and again on Day 6.

I had to start with one of Nate and I, of course.

Summer looked beautiful!

Tom- the groom, being a goof

Rebecca and I walk up the aisle.

Uncle Randy & Aunt Kathy

Summer & Mom

Uncle Nate & Simon

The wedding party

This post has little to do with The Descent itself, but since I like the people at Lion's Gate (the last truly independent distributor in Hollywood) I'll tell you a little more about it. The Descent is a horror movie about a group of young women who go spelunking and are picked off one-by-one by humanoid cave dwellers. I know the premise doesn't sound fantastic- but this is coming from the studio that knows horror best (they also brought you Hostel, The Devil's Rejects, and the Saw franchise, to name a few). I personally don't care for the genre, so I won't be watching The Descent, ever. The reviews, however, have been good- great even, so if you consider being scared shitless the height of entertainment then go see The Descent- you won't be disappointed.

I know- you're wondering what hot Hollywood trend The Descent represents. Well, it's something that's proven rather frustrating in my position at AMC, and even more so from the perspective of someone who prides herself on being able to remember inane details about every film that's slated for release in the next six months. It's the annoying practice of titling a film “The ______.” The Descent is the first in a long series of upcoming movies that attempt to capture audiences' attention with a single word. The problem, in case it's not implicit, is that this makes it virtually impossible to tell them all apart, no matter how many times I've looked them up on IMDb or seen the trailers.

You don't believe me? Below is a list of upcoming movies that are guilty of this nasty trait. Below that are my synopses of those films. See if you can match them up. Of course this will prove difficult without prior knowledge of any of the films- so here's another challenge if you have the time and/or the inclination: Look up each of the film titles on IMDb, read all about them, take notes if you want. Then a day or two later try to match up the titles with their plots (except don't use your notes, if you took them- that's cheating). I'd wager you don't get more than half of them right (less, in fact). I'll provide you with the answers next week. Try it and see if you don't agree with me.

1 The Covenant
2 The Departed
3 The Fountain
4 The Guardian
5 The Hoax
6 The Holiday
7 The Illusionist
8 The Prestige
9 The Protector
10 The Quiet
11 The Reaping
12 The Return

A Relationship trauma inspires Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslet to swap houses (in LA and London)- romance and hilarity ensue.

B Kevin Costner plays a veteran Coast Guard hero who trains the next generation and then has to rescue his star pupil (Ashton Kutcher).

C A martial arts bonanza featuring Ong Bak (aThai sensation).

D Hillary Swank plays a scientist who tries to solve a series of mysterious events in a small Southern town.

E A band of hot teen witches (all male) is threatened when a powerful new witch moves to town.

F Edward Norton is a magician who falls in love with a woman (Jessica Biel) engaged to a brooding European aristocrat.

G Sarah Michelle Gellar plays a woman haunted by nightmares that lead her to DANGER.

H Christian Bale and Hugh Jackman are magicians whose relationship goes from friendly to acrimonious.

I A star-studded Martin Scorsese crime drama.

J Richard Gere's character writes a fake biography of Howard Hughes and sells it to a major publishing company for $1M.

K Hugh Jackman and Rachel Weiss play lovers whose story spans thousands of years and three incarnations.

L A racy thriller featuring Alisha Cuthbert as a teen with murderous designs on her father.

Meanwhile, I just read the Wikipedia article on AMC Theatres. It’s pretty typical of what you’d expect—so many of Wikipedia’s entries are by proponents of whatever organization the article highlights that it’s almost become a farce- but there are a few things that aren’t completely corporate- so if you’re completely bored and have nothing better to do you may want to check it out.

Woman # 1 (upon seeing her friend board the bus): What are you doing on the bus? I thought you got your driver’s licscense.

Woman # 2: Naw- I didn’t pass.

#1: What happened?

#2: That bitch told me I had anger management problems!

#1: What?

#2: I passed my written all right, and then I was taking my driving test in North Kansas City and some bitch in a big SUV cut me off.

#1: Oh no…

#2: So I stepped on the gas, pulled into the other lane, flipped her the bird (at this point woman # 2 demonstrates said action for the other passengers to witness), and cut her off right back! Then I turned to my driving instructor and said ‘that’ll teach her to cut people off!’

#1: Oh my god—what did the driving instructor say?

#2: She made me pull over and says I failed my driving test! She was going on about how I need anger management classes, and then you know what I did?

#1: What?

#2: I told that bitch to get the hell out of my car! If she says I got issues, well she’d just better learn how to hitch hike!!!

#1: And you just left her there?

#2: Damn right I did, she tells me I need anger management, shit.

There are, of course, several things that make this story hilarious- and I realize that there’s no better way to ruin a joke than to dissect it, but I have to point out my favorite part: that while Woman # 2 has no problem abandoning her driving test monitor in a relatively deserted part of town, she won’t drive without her license on a day to day basis and still finds herself commuting on public transit.

And because Nate asked when I first relayed the story to him, I’m obliged to provide a physical description of Woman # 2. Probably in her mid forties (or younger, but aged by decades of partying- which is plausible given her personality), she wore overalls and a really tight t-shirt. Her long brown ponytail hung out the back of her ball cap limply, strands getting tangled in the cords of her Walkman headphones, which she had stuck to her temples above her ears. Her gregarious smile revealed a few missing teeth—back and side teeth, the front were just crooked and stained, threatening to take the same route as their missing counterparts before too long. She was wearing highly reflective sunglasses, in a style available at most gas stations, but she removed these before getting very far in her story, perching them on the bill of her ball cap, which was no small feat considering the headphones. Her shoes seemed to be a cross between work boots and sneakers, though it was difficult to tell because they were so dirty and battered.

Generally, she seemed like a riot- the kind of woman you hope to find yourself the next booth from at a dive bar. Not the kind of person you’d want to spend a lot of time with, but who’s always good for an outrageous story. Listening to her I got the certain impression that the driving test incident was only one of many in a lifetime of wreaking havoc on public officials. She took a certain joy, not only in the retelling of it, but also in the event itself.

By the way- I just love the title "Trailer Maven" and would have it printed on my business cards if they'd let me.

One notable thing is that I had another birthday. The day itself was uneventful- it fell on a Monday and I was alone with the world’s two best kitties. I did have a handful of phone conversations and caught up with some people I hadn’t talked with in too long- thanks guys, you know who you are. Nate’s birthday surprise is scheduled for Friday (no pressure, darling- I just know some of my other readers were concerned).

The week before my big b-day was St. Patrick’s Day and I made new friend. He rides my bus and invited me for a beer—we went to a local dive and split a pitcher of PBR, then went to his place and hung out some more. His name is David Wayne and he’s on My Space if you want to learn more. I’ll just add that I feel lucky to have met someone so fun and cool- Kansas City is already a lot less lonely for knowing him.

We’ve also acquired some furniture—some really fabulous pieces that I’ll be posting pictures of as soon as I resolve my digital camera issues. We’ve got a sofa (vintage ‘60s red tweed), matching chair, mid-century mod coffee table, and 1930’s deco dining room set. And all at unbelievable bargains! You really can’t beat the Midwest when it comes to finding great deals. I also got another dresser because there’s next to no closet space in my apartment. I can’t wait to start the rest of the decorating: rugs, curtains, accessories, oh my!

Another big deal is that I’ve finally got the job at AMC. I already mentioned that I was hired on a temporary basis, and many of you know they sort of offered me the position almost two months ago. Well the human resources department at AMC is thorough (to say the least), compounded by the fact that they take credit very seriously and I have a miserable credit history. I almost gave up on the idea of ever being hired at all, but my boss really loves the work I’ve been doing and he basically told HR where they could shove it. So now I’m in! I got the news today, and I’ll be an official AMC employee starting Friday. Now’s the time to put in your requests for free movie passes (seriously- if you live near an AMC theatre and want free tix let me know ASAP).

Something I imagine to be only mildly interesting to anyone but myself is the fact that I joined the reading club at the library here. They had their annual party last week and I met the film critic for the Kansas City Star. What a character. I also signed up to be on at least one of several reading committees for the American Library Association’s notable book selection process. Speaking of books, I just finished reading one called “Youth in Revolt,” by C.D. Payne. It was actually recommended to me by David Wayne, my new bus buddy. It’s a fictional journal by 14-year-old Nick Twisp who has the very best intentions (most of the time), but whose plans inevitably go horribly awry to hilarious ends. I enthusiastically pass on David’s recommendation.

Well, I think that covers it. I noticed that the month is almost over and I hadn’t written a thing, so I decided to do it all at once. Thanks for taking the time to read, and thank you even more for caring enough to bother.

XOXO.

You may or may not have heard that my car was murdered over the Presidents' Day weekend. The Volvo was sitting in front of my house, minding its own business when it was fatally struck by a hit-and-run driver. You can see in the pictures that it was hit pretty hard. I keep wondering how the driver's car was in any condition to allow him to flee the scene.

Here's what happened: I was inside my house, which is situated on a corner-- not a busy corner, mind you- just your average neighborhood intersection-- and doing the dishes. My kitchen is at the back of my house, the water was running, Modest Mouse was playing on the stereo rather loudly, etc. Basically, I don't hear the accident but do manage to hear my doorbell ring. It's this random guy who was out walking his dog when he saw this guy turn the corner, plow into my parked car, pause for a moment, and then speed off. Fortunately the dog-walking guy got the license plate number, which was corroborated by my neighbor across the street who was outside having a smoke. They called the police, and after I'd sort of processed the event a little, I called them as well.

I get on the phone with my insurance agency, knowing that it's really more of a formality because I've only got liability coverage so I'm screwed. Anyway, I go out to the car to get my policy number and discover two things- somehow there's already a tow truck at the scene, and secondly- the impact of the crash was so great it opened my glove box and threw its contents across my front seat.

My car was not parked on the sidewalk- it was pushed there.

Before I was even off the phone with the insurance agency the policeman arrived. I gave him the basic information, which was pretty much self-explanatory by looking at the car. The neighbor who'd been smoking in front of his house at the time of the accident came over and spoke with the cop a bit while I took the photos you're seeing now.

Note all the boken glass and other debris on the ground.

The tow truck driver informed me the front suspension was cracked, and gave me his estimate of at least $1,000 in damage. I knew I wasn't going to pay to have it fixed, so the only question remained was what to do with the car. I called Nate, he spoke with the tow truck guy, and it was established that they would buy my car from me for $50 cash. The tow truck guy went and got change while I cleaned out the car; he came back, took it away and that was that.

Here you can see where the suspension is cracked, if you look closely.

I haven't heard anything from the police regarding the investigation-- I figure I'll give them a couple of weeks before calling. I mean, Kansas City is a fairly major metropolis and I know better than to think a hit-and-run case like mine is going to be at the top of their priority list. So now you've got the whole, sad story.

I've been taking the bus to and from work, which is fine- so far. I just hope it doesn't snow again.

How annoying- as if I don't get enough regular SPAM it's now showing up here, too. Especially annoying is the fact that I thought I suddenly had fans, or at least a few people who cared enough to comment. I should have known by the number of comments...

That's all I've got for now. I was just disappointed and was already logged in so I took the opportunity to vent.

Happy Valentine's Day, too!

You know how when you’re in the shower the most random things occur to you? Well, they do me at least. This morning I couldn’t stop thinking about an incident that happened a while ago, Thanksgiving, actually. It was one of those classic situations where someone said and/or did something and I reacted in one way but wish I’d come up with something really clever, or at least insightful, as a response. I have many of these moments, and have created a new category of Feminist Housewife to accommodate them—the “What I Wish I’d Said” category.

Here’s what happened: Nate and I accepted an invitation to some people’s house for the annual turkey holiday (actually, Nate accepted and I went along begrudgingly). One of our hosts (the male of the partnership, with all the stereotypical alpha-male characteristics) was talking with one of the other guests about TV. An innocent enough subject, in and of itself. Ever the gracious guest, Nate asked our host (we’ll call him Joe) if he enjoyed Everybody Loves Raymond. (Another parenthetical side note: this program is sort of an inside joke between Nate and I because we hate this show, proving that not everybody loves Raymond.) Joe said that he did, in fact, quite enjoy Ray Romano’s prime-time exploits. He then turned to his other guest and said something along the lines of, “I caught a few minutes of Sex and the City, though, and it was awful!!! They had two women in a hot tub, and they were talking about {insert female erogenous topic here}—I couldn’t believe it! They had this shit on at 7pm. Kids are watching this shit!!!” The other guest then says something like, “I’ve never seen Sex and the City.” Joe responds (again, I’m paraphrasing), “Dude—you’re not missing anything. Disgusting filth.” (Joe really did use at least one of these words, maybe both- sorry for the hazy report, it’s been a while.)

There are a few things to note here:

• Everybody Loves Raymond is a shitty show. Ray Romano is categorically unfunny.


• Joe is a man who immensely enjoys and recommends movies like The Wedding Crashers, a movie wherein two men organize their lives around wedding season because of how often they can get laid. A film that has an entire montage dedicated to said layings. Now I enjoyed The Wedding Crashers as much as the next person, and I’m not passing any judgment—just keep in mind that this is Joe’s kind of flick.


• Sex and the City is, primarily, a show about and for women. I think the program about sex and the married man is called Everybody Loves Raymond. It stands to reason that any given (hetero) male may not particularly relate to or enjoy watching Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha’s dating misadventures. Also note that this program originally aired on HBO, which isn’t subject to the same FCC rules and standards as other fare, your Everybody Loves Raymonds, for example.


• I have a feeling that Joe’s Christian background may have raised a few red flags at the sight of those women in the hot tub (I wasn’t paraphrasing that part); however no flags were raised during the completely-dishonest-no-strings-attached fuck fest that occurred during The Wedding Crashers. So what gives?

It’s my theory (and I’ think it’s a good one) that Joe is uncomfortable with the idea of women being empowered sexually. If the women in that episode of S&C were simply having some hot girl-on-girl action I think he wouldn’t have objected. Or at least not as strongly. I propose it was their discussion of {insert female erogenous topic here} which made him so uncomfortable. Do you see what a hypocrite he is? It’s the worn out double standard that makes it okay for a man to go out and sow his oats, but demands that women keep their legs closed and ankles crossed. Now—I’m not endorsing promiscuity for anyone (female or male), but I think it’s only fair that the media show both sides, which I think it does- for the most part. There are just some people, like Joe, who only want one side of the story, and to them I would say…(here it comes, what I wish I’d said)... “I happen to think Sex and the City is a really important commentary on what women – single or otherwise – go through; it’s been an important factor in our cultural advancement by helping people feel comfortable discussing things that are common but may have previously been considered taboo. And it’s funny, unlike Ray Romano.”

I am now gainfully employed!!! After a long and stressful job search I’ve been hired on a temporary-to-permanent basis at AMC Theatres in their corporate office. The temp-to-hire thing basically means that if I do well then I’ll be hired. A lot of companies do that to avoid hiring a person only to discover they’re a disaster. So far it seems I’m doing well- I’ve only been there three days and have magically earned a reputation as an Excel “whiz” (their term, not mine).

So far I’ve been helping to book screenings- when a movie studio rents a theatre for a promo or premiere. In the future my primary duty will be to coordinate which trailers play before which movies, which isn’t as glamorous as I initially thought it was. The studios request what trailers they want played for each new movie that’s being released and I just process those requests. I don’t get to make any actual decisions about which trailers will go well with the movies.

One fun thing about my job is that every Friday they show trailers to everyone at the company and then we vote on how much we’d like to see the movie based on the trailer. I guess they use that to get an idea of how well a movie will be received by the public. I’ve only done it once, but there are some really bad movies coming soon to a theatre near you (and a few that look okay). I don’t think I’m allowed to disclose anything more than that.

Well—I know this hasn’t been the most interesting post, but I’m excited and relieved to be working again and wanted to share the news.

The photo doesn't do it justice- it's really much cuter in person. I live on the lower level, with Buffy and Hermano and Nate visits on weekends. It's hard not seeing him more often, but I think it an acceptable sacrifice since it's not forevor and KC is 1000 times better than Joplin. I look forward to posting my "big city" adventures here and apologize for the long absence. Between the move and the holidays Feminist Housewife wasn't at the top of my list.

Speaking of holidays- I hope everyone had a nice time. It seemed our holiday season was spread out over several weeks, beginning with our trip to California at the beginning of December for the Reliance Communications Christmas party. We got to see Nate's family while we were out. Here's a picture of Kelley (Nate's mom) and Jill (his sister) in front of Nate and Jill's Aunt Linda's Tree:

We got a Christmas tree for the house in Kansas City a few days before the big one, so it was only $10. And it's still up! Maybe next weekend we'll take it down... The cats really liked having the tree:

And because I tend to obsess over the kitties, here are a couple more:

Below is a joke my sister Rebecca told me. Her friend Rose told her. I am unsure if anyone told it to Rose or if she made it up. It was Rebecca's suggestion to make it into a cartoon so more people can enjoy it, as it is not the type of joke one can tell over the phone.

I hope you like it:

I’ll discuss details of the new place later; I have to get on with the rest of my trip pictures before I start getting bored with them:

There is Bridal Veil Falls, one of two waterfalls that was still flowing during our visit. The other was Vernal Falls, which I think will be part of the next installment.

There’s my mom, at the very bottom of the picture. Even Bridal Veil was barely a trickle compared to how it is in spring and early summer. If we’d been there then we could not have gotten as close as we did.

That’s an oak tree I took a picture of for its beautiful golden foliage. Yosemite in fall is really amazing if you’re into autumn leaves, which I happen to be. A few days later I went to the doctor’s office with my sister (just a prenatal check up) and there was an issue of Sunset magazine whose cover story happened to be Yosemite in fall. We stole it.

There’s my mom’s back at Glacier Point, a place in Yosemite I’d never been to before this. It’s something like 4,500 feet above the floor of the valley and the views are spectacular—something the next photo only hints at.

That’s a view of El Capitan from Glacier Point. On the map they give you when you enter the park, the road going to the valley floor looks like it’s right next to the road going to Glacier Point. They would be except for the latter being thousands of feet straight up, something that doesn’t translate well on a two-dimensional map, even with shading to indicate elevation.

I’m sorry- I know this is the seminal picture of Yosemite Valley, and I’m not Ansel Adams—but I had to include it. Taken from the main entrance road into the valley you can see El Capitan on the left (over 3,000 feet tall!), some other formations on the right (I don’t remember what they’re called), and way off in the hazy distance is Half Dome.

Here is my mom standing in front of a group of trees called the Bachelor and the Three Graces. I really like that, ‘The Bachelor and the Three Graces.’ The Bachelor is the big one in front, with the Graces in a row behind (the third Grace is obscured by the Bachelor in much of the picture). This is a composite of three pictures, as giant sequoias are- well, giant.

There I am, dwarfed by a tree aptly named the Clothespin Tree. This was our first day in Yosemite and we hiked through the Founders’ Grove—famed for its giant sequoias, the largest trees on earth. California redwoods are the tallest, also in the sequoia family, but the giant sequoias are the largest by mass. There’s one more species in the sequoia family, but it’s not very large and it's indigenous to China.

This is another well-named tree, the Grizzly Giant—also in the Founders’ Grove. I know it’s not a super-interesting photo because the scale gets lost in translation, but some of those branches are larger than most whole trees.

This is still on our first day in Yosemite, at Founders’ Grove, after we discovered that the distances on the trail signs are one-way. So instead of a 2.5-mile hike we did five. This picture was from the top of the grove, about 400 feet above the point where we began. I know it doesn’t sound like much but I’m really out of shape and (in her words) my mom is “no longer a spring chicken.” We were trying to look as tired as we felt, does that come across?

Well, that’s part one; more to come soon. Next time you can look forward to Yosemite’s famous Bridal Veil Falls and breathtaking views from Glacier Point.