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August 04, 2006

"The ----------"

Today marks the first occurrence of a disquieting Hollywood trend I've noticed. I'm only speaking from the position of having been in 'The Industry' for six months or so, but that doesn't mean I don't know a trend when I spot one. The trend has to do with movie titles, and today's opening of The Descent is its harbinger.

This post has little to do with The Descent itself, but since I like the people at Lion's Gate (the last truly independent distributor in Hollywood) I'll tell you a little more about it. The Descent is a horror movie about a group of young women who go spelunking and are picked off one-by-one by humanoid cave dwellers. I know the premise doesn't sound fantastic- but this is coming from the studio that knows horror best (they also brought you Hostel, The Devil's Rejects, and the Saw franchise, to name a few). I personally don't care for the genre, so I won't be watching The Descent, ever. The reviews, however, have been good- great even, so if you consider being scared shitless the height of entertainment then go see The Descent- you won't be disappointed.

I know- you're wondering what hot Hollywood trend The Descent represents. Well, it's something that's proven rather frustrating in my position at AMC, and even more so from the perspective of someone who prides herself on being able to remember inane details about every film that's slated for release in the next six months. It's the annoying practice of titling a film “The ______.” The Descent is the first in a long series of upcoming movies that attempt to capture audiences' attention with a single word. The problem, in case it's not implicit, is that this makes it virtually impossible to tell them all apart, no matter how many times I've looked them up on IMDb or seen the trailers.

You don't believe me? Below is a list of upcoming movies that are guilty of this nasty trait. Below that are my synopses of those films. See if you can match them up. Of course this will prove difficult without prior knowledge of any of the films- so here's another challenge if you have the time and/or the inclination: Look up each of the film titles on IMDb, read all about them, take notes if you want. Then a day or two later try to match up the titles with their plots (except don't use your notes, if you took them- that's cheating). I'd wager you don't get more than half of them right (less, in fact). I'll provide you with the answers next week. Try it and see if you don't agree with me.

1 The Covenant
2 The Departed
3 The Fountain
4 The Guardian
5 The Hoax
6 The Holiday
7 The Illusionist
8 The Prestige
9 The Protector
10 The Quiet
11 The Reaping
12 The Return

A Relationship trauma inspires Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslet to swap houses (in LA and London)- romance and hilarity ensue.

B Kevin Costner plays a veteran Coast Guard hero who trains the next generation and then has to rescue his star pupil (Ashton Kutcher).

C A martial arts bonanza featuring Ong Bak (aThai sensation).

D Hillary Swank plays a scientist who tries to solve a series of mysterious events in a small Southern town.

E A band of hot teen witches (all male) is threatened when a powerful new witch moves to town.

F Edward Norton is a magician who falls in love with a woman (Jessica Biel) engaged to a brooding European aristocrat.

G Sarah Michelle Gellar plays a woman haunted by nightmares that lead her to DANGER.

H Christian Bale and Hugh Jackman are magicians whose relationship goes from friendly to acrimonious.

I A star-studded Martin Scorsese crime drama.

J Richard Gere's character writes a fake biography of Howard Hughes and sells it to a major publishing company for $1M.

K Hugh Jackman and Rachel Weiss play lovers whose story spans thousands of years and three incarnations.

L A racy thriller featuring Alisha Cuthbert as a teen with murderous designs on her father.

Posted by April at August 4, 2006 12:38 PM

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