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May 15, 2006
Overheard in Kansas City
In addition to the ecological and social benefits of riding the bus there is the benefit of overhearing others’ conversations. Occasionally, what you overhear is priceless. As my friend James would say, “You can’t make this shit up.” Here’s one such conversation- overheard on Friday.
Woman # 1 (upon seeing her friend board the bus): What are you doing on the bus? I thought you got your driver’s licscense.
Woman # 2: Naw- I didn’t pass.
#1: What happened?
#2: That bitch told me I had anger management problems!
#1: What?
#2: I passed my written all right, and then I was taking my driving test in North Kansas City and some bitch in a big SUV cut me off.
#1: Oh no…
#2: So I stepped on the gas, pulled into the other lane, flipped her the bird (at this point woman # 2 demonstrates said action for the other passengers to witness), and cut her off right back! Then I turned to my driving instructor and said ‘that’ll teach her to cut people off!’
#1: Oh my god—what did the driving instructor say?
#2: She made me pull over and says I failed my driving test! She was going on about how I need anger management classes, and then you know what I did?
#1: What?
#2: I told that bitch to get the hell out of my car! If she says I got issues, well she’d just better learn how to hitch hike!!!
#1: And you just left her there?
#2: Damn right I did, she tells me I need anger management, shit.
There are, of course, several things that make this story hilarious- and I realize that there’s no better way to ruin a joke than to dissect it, but I have to point out my favorite part: that while Woman # 2 has no problem abandoning her driving test monitor in a relatively deserted part of town, she won’t drive without her license on a day to day basis and still finds herself commuting on public transit.
And because Nate asked when I first relayed the story to him, I’m obliged to provide a physical description of Woman # 2. Probably in her mid forties (or younger, but aged by decades of partying- which is plausible given her personality), she wore overalls and a really tight t-shirt. Her long brown ponytail hung out the back of her ball cap limply, strands getting tangled in the cords of her Walkman headphones, which she had stuck to her temples above her ears. Her gregarious smile revealed a few missing teeth—back and side teeth, the front were just crooked and stained, threatening to take the same route as their missing counterparts before too long. She was wearing highly reflective sunglasses, in a style available at most gas stations, but she removed these before getting very far in her story, perching them on the bill of her ball cap, which was no small feat considering the headphones. Her shoes seemed to be a cross between work boots and sneakers, though it was difficult to tell because they were so dirty and battered.
Generally, she seemed like a riot- the kind of woman you hope to find yourself the next booth from at a dive bar. Not the kind of person you’d want to spend a lot of time with, but who’s always good for an outrageous story. Listening to her I got the certain impression that the driving test incident was only one of many in a lifetime of wreaking havoc on public officials. She took a certain joy, not only in the retelling of it, but also in the event itself.
Posted by April at May 15, 2006 07:34 PM
Comments
Hi April
Barbara, my sister is visiting & we just read your blog. She is a frequent bus passenger & boy can she relate to interesting characters. She has confessed to "actively listening" while supposedly doing crosswords. She has encounted many goofballs, nut cases & schizos on her travels but finds the buses to be a very entertaining way to travel.
Hope all is well in K.C.
Posted by: kelley at May 15, 2006 10:59 PM
I like reading your tales. It is a welcome distraction.
Posted by: Mike at May 16, 2006 11:46 AM
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