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August 26, 2005
The Little Man
Thanks everyone for your comments and encouragement. I especially needed it today. I had to make an emergency appointment with the vet after finding blood in Hermano’s poop this morning. The doctor said that while it is probably related to diet, we need to keep an eye on the little guy. I’m sure he’ll be fine—but I had quite a scare.
On a completely unrelated topic: I was at the library yesterday and came upon a book of insults by/about famous people. I copied this one by William Faulkner and found it amusing considering the comment I made about him yesterday:
Regarding Mark Twain: “…a hack writer who would not have been fourth rate in Europe, who tricked out a few of the old proven literary skeletons with sufficient local color to intrigue the superficial and the lazy.”
And I really enjoy Mark Twain, though I wouldn’t wholeheartedly deny being superficial or lazy.
Here’s a picture of Hermano and Buffy:
Posted by April at 01:17 PM | Comments (0)
August 25, 2005
A Story
After reading the Oxford Collection of American Short Stories for the last couple of days I thought I’d try my hand at writing one. Below is the result—my first-ever completed work of fiction. I’m curious to know your thoughts, critical or otherwise, but ask that you be gentle. I’m having a tough enough time as it is trying not to compare myself to Faulkner.
Anyway- it’s fun and it’s short. I hope you like it. The idea is one my friend Mark and I developed while we were in school together. I don’t think he’ll mind that I’m using it now.
Greener Pastures
Ted woke promptly at 6:15 am to the sound of the latest Top 40 power ballad on his clock radio. He got up and poured himself a cup of coffee, grateful for small advancements in technology- the sort that allowed him to program his coffee maker ahead of time, having it ready as soon as he was. He sat at his desk and checked the weather report (for the third time), as well as the traffic conditions. Today was his first day at Clarkson and Kent and he wanted to be sure he would be on time. He’d planned on driving an alternate route the previous evening, just to be safe, but things with Cindi had taken much longer than he’d anticipated.
Cindi was a nice enough girl, and they’d had a lot of fun together—at first. Ted met Cindi the same way he met all his girlfriends, online. They met in chat rooms over a few weeks, graduated to phone calls, then dinner and, after an appropriate amount of time, to bed. It had been about six months since Ted and Cindi began seeing each other regularly and Ted had started to think their relationship might be different than those in his past.
But it had started again—the doubts, his acute awareness of her slightest faults (like the way she pronounced favorite with only two syllables: FAV-rit). And of course there was the anxiety, the way his breath constricted every time the phone rang and it was Cindi’s voice on the other end. It was over. The symptoms had come later than usual with Cindi, he’d hoped it might work, but Ted had been through it enough times to know there was no denying the fact. So he took an unsuspecting Cindi to the sushi restaurant where Ted took all his first (and last) dates and broke up with her. He hadn’t expected her to take it so poorly, to be so emotional about it; but that was that. They must move on. Bigger and better things lay ahead. Greener pastures and all that.
Ted showered, shaved, and brushed his teeth. He only flossed in the evening. He put on the clothes he’d laid out for himself prior to his dinner with Cindi; glad that he’d thought to do so considering how long it had taken to calm her down. Eventually he’d resorted to sake, knowing Cindi to be a sleepy drunk, and was finally able to call a taxi for her.
But this morning Ted’s thoughts were primarily on his new position as Junior Executive Assistant to Mr. Kent himself! Clarkson and Kent was one of the eminent accounting firms in the city and Ted was fortunate for the opportunity. He wouldn’t, of course, be reporting to Mr. Kent himself, but to Mr. Kent’s chief of staff, who he’d yet to meet. It didn’t concern Ted that he knew nothing of accounting and had no interest in it. What did interest him was the environment in which he’d be working. Since his first interview and visit to the offices of Clarkson and Kent Ted had spent hours daydreaming what it would be like to spend his days in that pantheon of glass, steel, and exotic hard woods.
Clarkson and Kent was a far cry from where Ted had started out—as a receptionist for a plumbing parts manufacturer five years earlier. Then his “desk” had just been a folding table in the front of a dusty warehouse. There hadn’t even been a computer for him, not that he’d needed one. Ted had spent six weeks transferring calls to various branches of the plumbing company before he made up his mind to move on. He’d been moving on ever since.
After that fateful decision Ted spent his evenings embellishing his resume and e-mailing it to dozens of different companies, most of which he’d picked out of the phone book based on the size and quality of their yellow page ad. Eventually Ted landed another reception position at a small dentist office. It didn’t take long before he was disillusioned with that job as well. While he did have a computer the monitor was only eight inches, the program he used to schedule appointment ran on DOS, and there was no internet access. Additionally, the dentist’s office was located in one of the poorer, ethnic boroughs of the city. Ted wasn’t bothered by the ethnicity as much as the poverty. He determined to find another position and within a few weeks’ time he did.
The past five years had more or less gone the same way: Ted would get a job, soon grow to hate it, find another- presumably better- position, and quit his current job. He always made up a lavish excuse to account for his sudden departure despite his previous enthusiasm and excellent performance. For if nothing else, Ted always gave his best. Then he would begin his new job and start the whole process all over again. Ted’s jobs usually lasted about as long as his relationships, and sometimes the two even coincided.
Ted considered this briefly as he drove to Clarkson and Kent. He was optimistic that there he would feel differently, that this would finally be a position he could settle into. The office was certainly nice enough. He waved to the attendant as he pulled into the underground garage and then took the elevator to the second-to-top floor. He walked into the offices of Clarkson and Kent at 7:45 on the nose. Ted was careful to arrive early for the first few weeks of any new job, wanting to make the best impression possible. He made his way to Mr. Kent’s half of the office to find his new supervisor. Ted smiled and greeted everyone he passed, impressed by how stylish and modern they all were. He was sure he’d reached his professional destination at last.
As he came to the desk of Mr. Kent’s chief of staff all Ted’s optimism drained like the contents of a marooned oil freighter, poisoning a once pristine environment. Mr. Clarkson’s assistant, an affable yet commanding woman, had conducted Ted’s interviews while Mr. Kent’s head assistant was on vacation thus leaving Ted utterly unprepared for the woman before him. She was middle-aged, wearing a cheap polyester pantsuit and garish floral print blouse. She was in the middle of an obviously personal phone call between bites of a fast-food breakfast sandwich—the greasy wrapper for which added to her desk’s complete dishevelment. Ted was appalled at such a gross display of unprofessionalism. When she noticed Ted she gave him a smile, revealing teeth of horse-like proportion, and said, “ ‘Morning- what can I do you for?”
That afternoon Ted spent his lunch hour with the classifieds and a highlighter.
Posted by April at 03:01 PM | Comments (4)
August 23, 2005
Thrift Store Find
I went to the Goodwill today and got a shirt and a couple of books. The first book is ordinary enough, a collection of short stories edited by Joyce Carol Oates (I don’t particularly care for her work, but she seems to have pretty good taste when it comes to selecting other authors). The second book I got is a true treasure—a Spanish language instruction book from 1951. What make it so special are the illustrations. Classic 1950's kitsch with a Latin twist. Here are a few of my favorites:
From the chapter on doing business, which includes vocabulary words la ganancia (profit), el cobre (copper), and para servirle (at your service).
From the chapter on dining out. Includes this invaluable bit of conversation: "This table is covered with a white cloth." "And what is there on the table?" "On the table is the silverware: forks, knives, spoons and teaspoons."
From the chapter on visiting the doctor, where you'll learn the words for fever and pills but not car accident.
This is going to be perfect for collaging with, but it’s almost a shame to cut it up. Here’s a sample of the conversation from the second lesson:
“For my dinner I prefer ham and eggs, or bacon fried crisp.”
“Do you not like pork?”
“Yes, sir, but I prefer veal.”
Who doesn’t prefer veal?
Alongside the conversations are nearly unintelligible pronunciation guides to the Spanish version, for example the above snippet reads:
“Yoh pray-fee-ay’roh ayn lah koh-mee’dah way’vohs ee hah-mon’ oh toh-thee’noh bee-ayn’free’toh.”
“?Noh lay goostah lah kahrr’ nay thayrr’doh?”
“See, pay’roh pray-fee-ay’ roh day tayrr-nay’rah.”
The book is structured around The Cortina Method of language instruction—a method I’ve never heard of before today. From the preface:
“You may ask: ‘What is the secret of The Cortina Method’s success? How is it different from other ways to learn a language?’ One of the reasons is that the lessons are devoted to intensely interesting and every-day topics which encourage the student to learn. The lessons begin with subjects we all used as children when we first learned our native tongue. For instance, right from the start, the first lessons teach you the same words that a child first speaks: mother, father, brother, sister, as well as every-day words which relate to meals, drinks, clothing, footwear, and so on. Not only are these words easily put to use at once; not only are they much more interesting than the usual abstract and academic words a student is asked to learn—but they also strike a deeply primeval chord in all of us. This adds color and excitement and arouses in the student a desire to learn the language.”
I wonder exactly what types of abstract and academic words students of other language methods are expected to learn. I particularly like the suggestion that, among others, words related to footwear strike a deeply primeval chord. I’ve never paid much attention before but it might have something to do with the fact that I’m never satisfied with my collection of shoes, no matter how many pairs I have.
Here's the map that lines the inside covers of the book:
click for larger view
Posted by April at 04:29 PM | Comments (0)
August 18, 2005
Getting Crafty
I mentioned before that I wanted to get my sister something handmade for her birthday. I couldn’t find anything really cool and affordable online—there were expensive items that were super neat, and cheesy items that were, well, cheap. So I decided to make her a bag. Below is a picture of the trial version I made first. It came out okay, but Autumn’s is nicer. It’s lined and has fewer mistakes. I had fun making the bags and they didn’t take much time—so you might be getting one in the future.
Another recent project was to do something fun with a window shade I purchased a few months ago. I mis-measured the window we needed covering (and still today there is a sheet hanging over it, taunting me with its tackiness). So I’ve had this shade in an opened package with no receipt for a while- what to do? What to do? The other night I was lying awake in bed, which describes most nights, actually—and I decided to paint something pretty and decorative on the shade.
It’s supposed to be cherry blossoms, which I don’t think really comes across, but in any case it looks pretty. I’ve hung it in our hallway for now. Hopefully someday we’ll have a window that it will fit in. In the mean time it looks okay as it is, don’t you think?
P.S. I took this picture last night when I was teasing Nate with the camera (we were eating dinner and I kept taking pics of him with his mouth full). This one actually turned out good:
Posted by April at 12:25 PM | Comments (1)
August 12, 2005
I Give Up!
For all the effort that has gone into our garden one would think that I’m still as excited about it as I was at day one. That couldn’t be farther from the truth. Between the heat, humidity, and a plague of insects I’ve lost all desire to tend my dying plants. Our garden is as organic as they come—watering is kept to a minimum and fertilizer is as foreign as pesticides, organic or otherwise. The insects have free range.
When did this happen, you might ask. Why the abrupt surrender? It’s really been more of a slow decline, beginning when Nate and I returned from California in early June. The tomato plants had tripled in size while we were gone and need to be staked. Again. Over an hour after beginning the task I emerged sweating, filthy, and with no less than a dozen mosquito bites, to which I am allergic. I also noticed that all but the cherry tomatoes were rotting on the vine. It’s a condition I’ve since learned is called blossom end rot, due to a calcium deficiency- most often caused by poor watering. Oops. So I made an irrigation system and eggshell tea for my suffering plants. Then it was time for California trip number two.
When we came back the fruits were doing okay but the rest of the plants were in tough shape. Completely infested with three types of hideous creature: giant grasshoppers the likes of which I’ve never seen before. They’re as big as my finger; light brown with big eyes the same color as the rest of them (the one in the image above isn’t as creepy as those in my yard). The second bug is commonly known as a brown stinkbug—and yes, they stink when you kill them. The final bug is commonly known as a blister beetle because their blood causes blisters on the skin. Lovely right? Blister beetles don’t have a reputation as great havoc wreakers, but not so in my back yard. I’ve also spotted the occasional cutworm—another nasty, though there aren’t as many of these as the others.
Also take into consideration the Midwest weather. It’s not that I’m unaccustomed to heat. We had plenty of that in California. It’s the stifling humidity that gets me. I would never go outside at all except for my raging addiction to nicotine. I get lightheaded just thinking about what it would take to fight back the infestation in my garden. Repeated treatments of insecticidal soap, applied with great attention to detail (you have to coat every part of the plant) in oppressive heat/humidity amidst swarms of mosquitoes. No thank you. And for what? We already have more tomatoes than we know what to do with. I can only imagine the situation if the plants were thriving.
So there it is. From now on I’ll stick to container gardening, at least until I’m living in a more hospitable clime. Missouri weather and creepy-crawlies have gotten the best of me. I know this post begs for actual pictures of my plants to illustrate my point, but Nate has the camera and frankly the sight is just depressing. While I readily admit defeat it isn’t a happy fact. Now I am going to brave the outdoors for a cigarette. Wish me luck.
Posted by April at 01:35 PM | Comments (0)
August 10, 2005
This American Life
Lately I’ve been hooked on WBEZ in Chicago’s This American Life—a program distributed by Public Radio International. If you’ve never heard This American Life it’s a radio show aired weekly and syndicated nationally. Each program has a theme, such as ‘The Cruelty of Children’ or ‘The Sanctity of Marriage,’ and features stories along that theme. Writer David Sedaris is a regular contributor and his “Rabbit of Easter” is one of my favorites.
A friend of mine gave me a couple This American Life CDs for Christmas, shows titled ‘Crossed Wires’ and ‘Everyday Detectives.’ I’ve listened to each CD numerous times—usually on long drives where the scenery of the Midwest leaves one’s mind as barren as the landscape passing by. Given how much I love the two shows I have, I don’t know why it never occurred to me to check out the This American Life website. I recently mended this error to make the happy discovery that every episode is archived and available for listening. For free! I’m now completely addicted.
The stories run the full thematic specter: at times tragic, fascinating, informative, and hilarious. A young girl from Michigan recounts her pen-palship with Manuel Noriega during the 80’s. Scientists discuss their findings on what makes a successful marriage. Children leave a man in a well to die. A woman disinherits her her neice and nephew over an incident with some cheese. Every episode is, for me at least, thought provoking and insightful in some way. I’ve even developed a bit of a crush on Ira Glass, the host of the show, whose interview skills could teach Barbara Walters a thing or three.
If you’ve heard This American Life you know what I’m talking about. If you haven’t, go to their website RIGHT NOW and tune in, or order a CD. You can also download episodes (at a cost) at Audible.com. (Listening on This American Life's website is via Real Player.)
Posted by April at 03:27 PM | Comments (2)
August 08, 2005
Beautiful Baubles
While looking for hand made gifts for my sister’s recent birthday I came across this site by jewelry designer Laura Kim. Everything she does is just so pretty!
Equally impressive is the way she displays her work on her site. I’m particularly fond of her earring designs—but everything else is just as lovely. Take a look and you’ll be impressed.
Posted by April at 03:58 PM | Comments (1)
August 05, 2005
Fireflies - Lightning Bugs
Ten things you probably didn’t know about Fireflies:
Fireflies are beetles, not flies.
There are at least 136 species of fireflies, each with its own lighting pattern.
Fireflies light up in a mating signal—the male flies with his species’ unique pattern, waiting for a female on the ground to match it. Then they mate.
Fireflies are carnivorous—some females have even been known to eat male fireflies of other species by mimicking their glow signals.
Fireflies don’t bite, they don’t carry disease, and are not poisonous.
There is an old European legend that if a firefly flew into your window someone in the house would die.
Other insects can light up but fireflies are the only ones that can control it.
Fireflies are dormant over the winter, hibernating underground.
The chemicals fireflies use to light up (luciferin and luciferase) are useful in research of cancer, multiple sclerosis, cystic fibrosis, and heart disease.
There is a company that buys fireflies from the public, at a rate of one cent per insect.
Posted by April at 11:26 AM | Comments (0)